Larry H.

so you were doing construction work and you accidentally nailed your hand to a 2x4. youre incompetent, angry, and seek revenge. you have the motor skills of patrick star... you need larry h parker.

for many years, larry h parker has been fighting for you. i once saw the guy step in the ring with a tiger. he sued the shit out of it! that tiger had so many legal fees to cover it was ridiculous.

one of my friends slipped while at work... i couldnt blame him. the kid he stepped on was totally in the way. they fired him! none of us could believe it. where was our justice? here he was.... practically on his death bed without any source of income other than the state welfare. we did what any other red blooded american would do, we sat on our asses and bitched. OMG did we bitch... we bitched at each other, we bitched at our neighbors... hell, even the mailman got bitched at. finally after watching maury, we saw an add for larry h parker. i almost hurt my hand dialing so fast. larry himself answered the phone and i told him about my friends accident and the near miss i just had with the number pad. he told me not to worry... shit, i wouldnt even have to pay until after he won the case! we sued the company for almost $50,000. thats like... a lot.

so the court date came and my friend and i put on our best suits. we went into the court room with larry. i was so nervous. larry seemed so confident. he kicked in the court room doors and busted his ass down the aisle. he threw his briefcase down and proceeded to TELL the judge how this shit is going to go down. everyone kept there whore mouths shut while he was talking.... it was amazing. the judge ruled in our favor and we got the money! it was awesome. larry took some legal fees and we ended up with $2,000.... pretty good!

larry h parker doesnt just fight for you.... he fights for america. last i heard, he was on his way to the gulf to try and stop the oil spill... with his bare hands...