Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Fast food...


i really like fast food..... but i hate fast food resturants. actually, i just hate the owners of the franchises. these are the cheap ass bastards that have the nerve to charge me 10 cents for extra ranch, limit my refills to 2 cups, and ration napkins like we are at war.

so i bust into my local BK. i go up to the counter and order up some sweet creamy goodness, then i wait. i wait and wait and wait. maybe there is a long line of orders... or maybe the fat pig behind the counter is lazy as hell and slower than shit! whatever the case, i want my food and i want it now! finally my food comes. they call my number out loud and wait for me to come get it. i see my sandwich, fries, and a drink. super! i am a happy camper. then i ask for ranch. now i have had some pretty shitty encounters over this crap. you can substitute ranch for ketchup or whatever your condiment of choice is, but it is always the same story. they either A) give you 1 ranch, B) charge you for it, or C) say no. one time, someone had the nerve to ask me what i had ordered to deem it necessary to ration me some BBQ sauce. i got the chicken fingers bitch! who the hell cares? if i ordered fried dolphin on a stick and wanted some ranch, it shouldnt matter...just give it to me! RANCH NAZI!

finally i find a dime to give to the piece of crap that took my order. i eat my food like an animal and get shit all over my face... of course i am using proper fast food eating technique... i use my napkin to clean up. WTF! i got 1 napkin and i need more, thats cool, ill get some from the napkin dispenser. wait, there isnt one....hmmmm, i will ask the manatee at the counter. lo and behold, much like the ranch and BBQ before, the napkins are also worth more than your first born when it comes to quantity. i must be crazy because you guys are treating napkins like they are leaves of gold.

the only thing that can even begin to pacify me is the fact that i can enjoy a nice chilled beverage. my soda cost $1.29. not bad.... and that is after a 5,000% mark up! it cost a fast food chain about 5 cents to make a coke. the cost of the cup is the bulk of the price. i would have to drink about 15 gallons of soda to make them lose profit. so anyway, i finish my soda and proceed to the counter for a free refill. they give it to me.... but guess what, thats all i am going to get. they give your cup the black mark of death on the bottom the signifies it is now useless. you scream out as if your mother has just been assassinated in front of you. WHY WHY WHY?

now, i would like to talk about subway... subway has some good food, friendly people, and nice environment. whats the problem then? you ask! SUBWAY IS NOT QUIZNOS! if i want a toasted sub, i go to quiznos. if i want a nice warm meat sandwich, i go to quiznos. if i want a 10 minute wait because your sorry ass has to microwave the meat and use the speed toaster, i go to subway. OMG does it take forever when they toast it! i could slit my wrist and bleed to death all over the floor before they finish. eaten fresh? mabye about 15 minutes ago it was fresh, but now.... it is just a crappy $7.00 sandwich!

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